It's So Hard... Saying Goodbye.

February marks 4 years since I’ve been a published author. Four whole years. I’m still amazed at everything that I’ve managed to accomplish and the hurdles I managed to cross in such a short amount of time. As I pen this blog, I’m staring at the two awards I acquired for Romance Author of the Year and Female Author of the Year. If the charts and income wasn’t enough to ever help me understand that this was actually real, those lovely pieces always serve as reinforcers.

Around this time last year, I told myself that I was writing my final piece… The Plug and the Privileged 2. I wanted to end my career with a bang. I wanted to be set free. I wanted to cut the chains and ties that I’d been confined by, but I just didn’t have it in me. I bluffed. For six months, I laid low and didn’t pen one title and then came Lawlessly in Love.

Sosa and G were refreshing, but

But, I don’t know. Since last year, nothing has really felt quite right for me. To me.

Going back to my roots, I decided to continue the RahMeek and Bella series by giving you Pursuing the Plug, a story that depicts the love life of Rafeeq Jones. Son of RahMeek and Bella. The story was genius. The plot was perfect. The character development was phenomenal. Everything was spectacular. Yet, it still didn’t feel quite right.

Again, nothing felt right.

It was as if I had decided to disobey an upper power even when I’d received the message clear enough the previous year. “Say goodbye.”

I’d never mistaken the words or tried running from the task. I was simply trying to convince myself that saying goodbye wasn’t an option when it came to doing something that actually made you YOU. Parting with your purpose is worse than parting with a spouse, parting with a family member, parting with a friend. To be frank, it hurts.

Imagine your heart being extracted and you’re left to walk around heartless -not in the careless sense, but actually heartless. It is basically impossible. Writing for me is equivalent to that vital vessel we all need to survive. I mean, if I said goodbye then I would die. Figuratively, emotionally and mentally. So, I kept going.

Writing isn’t just something I do to pass time or make bill payments on time. It isn’t something that I simply tried and succeeded at. It isn’t a phase for me. It is what I was created to do even though I had no clue of it until I was an adult.

Say goodbye? It was just something that wasn’t happening. Not then. Not until now.

I’m approximately twelve days away from typing the end on my very last project. It is devastating to consider, but I’m the type of person that faces her fears head on. Pursuing the Plug 2 will release in January of 2019 which is the month before February -the month that started it all.

For the last few months, I’ve been going back and forth with the same decision that was placed on the table in front of me this time last year. However, it wasn’t a question of whether I would walk away or not. The question was how would I walk away and still have a heart to live to see another day. Over and over, solutions danced around my head.

Goodbye is worldly known as an afterword insinuating an ending. Right?

Well, in this case, I decided that it would be the foreword proceeding a new beginning.

Yes, I’m saying goodbye. Goodbye to it all.

The restrictions.

The expectations.

The negativity.

The impossible.

The disinterest.

The nonsense.

The name…

Mercy B.


I’ve been stagnant for some time. Not growing. Not flourishing. Not blossoming. Just stuck. And, for my own personal reasons. By saying goodbye to the very name that has reached thousands and thousands of readers, graced just the same amount of Kindles, received millions and millions of page reads as well as countless amounts of purchased books, earned a spot on the hometown’s Barnes and Noble shelf amongst other accomplishments I knew that I would closing a chapter in my life that would forever be painful. BUT, more than anything I understood that it is necessary.

I don’t want to be the heartless girl and neither do I want to die a slow death knowing that the person I started as is no longer who I am anymore. With everything in my life offering freshness, a name change was the most suitable way to say goodbye without having my entire heart ripped from my chest and handed to someone else to have.

I had a choice to make, so I made it.

I’m a writer. A storyteller. That will NEVER change. Ever. So, why not change something that I’m able to?

Why not loosen the restraints? Start fresh? Build from the bottom up?

* smiles *

With a humbled heart and broad smile, I’d like to share the news I’ve been considering for a full year. I will no longer be writing Urban Fiction books under my name. I’m venturing into new territory. I’m ready to start all over. I’m ready to say goodbye.

… goodbye to Mercy B and hello to Bleu Hill.

Bleu Hill, the Urban Romance cultivator without a single title to her name. She’s never written a book. She’s never topped a chart. She’s never made contact with any part or person of the literary industry. She’s never published a book or written a blog. She’s new. Brand new. In fact, she doesn’t even own a Facebook page. The only social media platform she frequents is Instagram ( @bleu.hill ). All she knows is that she wants to write… write bonafide Urban bangers with a heavy Romance element attached. I’m talking stories with characters that will stick with you until your entire head is gray and your memory is shallow. They’ll be there and so will their stories.

In no way are you (as a reader) obligated to embark on this journey with me. However, if you’re willing to take the chance, then follow @bleu.hill on Instagram and text ‘booknews’ to 555888. I’ll be completely honest. I’m not sure when my first release will be. I’m not sure how many releases I will deliver. I can’t lie and tell you that I’ll spit out monthly projects as I have in the past. My covers won’t be the same. My brand will completely change. From this point on, everything changes. Nothing is the same. What I can promise you is QUALITY reads that you will NEVER forget. Not even when you try.

If this is your stop, then I wish you well. My final release under my name will be January 2019 and I hope that you enjoy. Before you jump off, I’d like to thank you for everything that you’ve given me. Support, love, shares, likes, reviews and your time. Thanks for letting me into your home and into your heart. You’ll forever be in mine.


Side note: I have not read over this blog. I couldn’t. Not with the tears I’ve found myself crying as I release this sensitive information. Farewell guys! It has been great.

Mercy B Carruthers2 Comments